After ADHD Diagnosis: relief, grief, acceptance, and celebration
If you would like to dive in and learn more about ADHD on your own, here are some sources of information that have been very helpful to me:
Dr. Ned Hallowell’s books and website: drhallowell.com
Mel Robbin’s YouTube video on her ADHD diagnosis in her 40’s.
Dr. Gabor Maté’s book Scattered Minds and website: drgabormate.com
Dr. Melissa Orlov’s The ADHD Affect on Marriage book and blog: adhdmarriage.com
Dr. Judith Orloff’s The Empath’s Survival Guide, and website: drjudithorloff.com
Dr. Richard Schwartz’s book You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, and website: ifs-institute.com
I was diagnosed with ADHD (minus the Hyperactivity, but definitely with Hyperfocus), in my mid 50’s, and it explained a lot about how I have chosen to live my life. My symptoms were exacerbated by the loss of estrogen as I entered menopause. There is some information about how estrogen levels affect ADHD symptoms on ADDitudemag.com. Much more research on how women with ADHD experience menopause is necessary, but it’s a start!
Girls are not diagnosed as much as boys because their symptoms are often internal, rather than the obvious “can’t sit still” of masculine manifestations. In “introverted” girls, ADHD is dismissed as hormonal fluctuations, or depression, or anxiety. Again, more research is needed on how ADHD manifests in girls and women (read an article on ADDitude Mag).
I have always needed to love what I do for work. It was never about money or moving my career on a certain path, it was about feeding my brain the creativity and newness that it craved. A challenge mixed in with creative freedom mixed in with learning new things was necessary for me to stay focused, energized, present, and engaged.
I would leave career paths after I felt like I was no longer challenged and had nothing more to learn by staying, so I thought. By leaving my amazing, yes, amazing, jobs with inspiring co-workers, I now understand that I was unconsciously feeding/following the impulsivity of my ADHD brain. I wish I had this information in my teens before I entered the workforce. At the same time, I am grateful for following my heart, dreams, calling, and passion. I “jumped off cliffs” over and over, and I landed where I am today, a coach with vast experience and knowledge to offer to my clients.
With the diagnosis came an awareness which brought first relief, then sadness, then acceptance, and then celebration.
The feeling of relief because I have always felt like an outsider, impulsive, making decisions based on intuition. Though as a creative, I could get away with my life choices that were not like everyone else’s. It helped that my family has always been supportive of my creativity and intuition. I never felt the pressure to follow a traditional path of a steady job, marriage, children. For that I am grateful.
Following relief was an intense feeling of sadness because, like I said, I wish I had ADHD information sooner. Perhaps I would have stayed at the jobs a bit longer. Pushed through the inevitable inattention once the initial excitement wore off. Perhaps there was more to experience there, more to learn. But then maybe not, and I had left at exactly the right time. Having an ADHD diagnosis earlier would have also helped me in my interpersonal relationships. And I grieved the people I left behind. Melissa Orlov talks about how ADHD affects relationships on adhdmarriage.com.
Then came the feeling of acceptance: of myself, of my decisions, which were made to the best of my knowledge at that time. New opportunities were offered, and with them, new things to learn, and another path to follow. I am grateful for all that I learned.
Finally the feeling of celebration of where I am today. I am the result of following my ADHD brain’s need for stimulation and change. I have had incredible experiences in many different job settings, from small design firms to large corporations, university departments, grad school, and running a ceramics retail and wholesale business. I have lived in seven different cities and moved over 20 times in my adult life. Amazing, and I am celebrating all of it.
And finally, my ADHD brain brought me to coaching, helping me to help others along their creative paths. Coaching has been a revelation and a calling.
Here are a few management techniques that I learned through coaching which are helping me to thrive with my ADHD:
1. I decided that I wanted a strong personal foundation while nurturing and learning about my ADHD. This involves a great deal of research, reading, listening, watching, taking workshops, and attending webinars. I am hyperfocusing on learning what my brain is thirsty for.
2. I decided to focus and resolve things I was tolerating in my household. Things like clutter, folded-but-not-put-away laundry, unorganized finances, a collection of dresses gathered (hoarded?) over 30+ years (more on this later).
3. I spend a lot of time in nature: unplug, hug trees, walk barefoot, breathe deeply, garden.
4. I nurture my body - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
5. I explore my creativity by journaling, blogging, photography, making videos, making ceramics, and getting back to drawing. I allow myself time to move between all of these without judgment.
If this resonates, I would love to hear from you, especially if you are a woman going through menopause and/or wondering if you have ADHD. Coaching gave me a brave and safe space to sort through the ideas that race through my mind.
I offer a complementary 30-minute consultation, please reach out.